Medusa

For the past 2 days I had been reading a lot about aneroxia and bulimia. They are eating disorders. I hate disorders. In my brain, everything must be orderly. But the world is a desorderly place. And, so, people allow the disorder of the world to invade their bodies and their minds. The devil. That is what Satan is. A disorder king. He finds all kinds of devices to destroy us. We are all made in God's own image. Everything that is called sin is a transgression against the magnificent project the Almighty has proposed through our lives. Fornication, adultery, gluttonary, rage, lack of discipline -- these are all attacks on God. But we are Satan's ultimate target. Our weapon against him is our walk with Jesus.

My Jesus, my Light, my Path. Every once in a while I fear I might not walk closely to my God, and fall away into a sinful life. But then, I must remind myself that I can only live today. There is just today. I must do what is good and right today. To me, yesterday and tomorrow truly do not exist. And, they do not exist, indeed. The former existED, and the latter NEVER existed.

Even though I am not out about, I must watch my soul so it will not be permeated by impurities. It is not easy. If I walk this way, I will be called a fanatic. And if I choose to kick God to the curb by ignoring him, I am an atheist. I am tired, restless. I need to upload my pictures onto the Walgreens website so I can have them developed.

And fear! Fear is paralysing. I can't live fearing this or that. The only being I want to fear is my maker. Oh!\

The website I was reading upon EDs was http://www.2medusa.com/ . It was an outstanding resource for those who want to be informed, and for those who are struggling with their vices. Yes. Those sinful acts are vices and addictions.

Good night.

Thoughts Tonight

     My head swarms with ideas during the day. But, at night, when I am worn out after a long day and night keeping up with my little Padawan, and Daddy, all of my good ideas of what to write about evaporate from my mind. Holy Guacamole!

     One thought that keeps ringing in my brain is a verse from a song by BNegao e Os Seletores de Frequencia. Take a listen:

       My brother told me about these awesome rappers who have lots of wisdom to share. BNegao says we need to prioritize our priorities, and that friendship is one of the things that will weigh heavy when we die. He is a spiritist, so he believes in reincarnation, I reckon. I try not to give ears to such beliefs, nevertheless, sometimes these philosophies as quite appealing and explicative.

   And, oh! Today I was reading one of my favorite author's blog, and he disclosed that he loves writing because it didn't come to him easily, and because most people didn't think he would be able to do it. I am taking that to heart. I felt very uneasy about blogging before. I felt inadequate, incapable, ignorant, and simply stupid. But I don't feel that way anymore. If Avi can do it, I can do it, too.

     Oh, yes! Discipline. That is a value I am living by. I tell myself often that I give myself the gift of discipline, exercise, endurance, and fortitude -- all of which are mental, physical, and spiritual. We must exercise our spirits, bodies and minds! Which reminds me that I need to get started getting the Light Weigh stuff together. The Light Weigh is the next topic I want to write about. So, stay tuned for another chapter of this blog.

FREEDOM!!!!!!!!! I Deleted My Orkut and Facebook Accounts!

      I decided to delete my social network accounts. I have come to the realization that the people who matter to me and who love me keep in touch with me. I have tried to keep in touch with folks I have met along my journey on this earth for years, but it was all on me. So, I am just throwing the towel, and letting it all go. I have spent way too much time reading stuff from people who really don't give a damn about whether I live or die. So, to the social networking world, I committed suicide tonight. Yippie! Being a ghost never felt so good.

     As I often tell one of my only friends, friendship is an investment. You have got to spend time on it. And time is money. So, I will stick with my few friendships.

Empadinhas

  Fizemos empadinhas hoje. Elas ficaram podres demais. Mas ficaram gostosas.

Maria-Mole: Com Amor Para Minha Irma

Baba segurando a nossa criacao,

Essa receita dedico a minha irma amada. Ela me ensinou uma receita de bolo de cenoura hoje. Eu amo tudo que ela cozinha. Em abril, nossa mamae, nos comprou maria-mole do Semar e nos amamos esses doces.

Colega, essa maria-mole e' dedicada com amor a voce. Ela saiu uma delicia. Por falta de coco ralado, usei po de leite de coco que achei no mercadao coreano daqui. Colega, da' dor de cabeca se comer muitos pedacos. E' o acucar, com certeza. Eu vou por a receita depois porque o chefinho esta' depenando o nosso escritorio. Eu te amo tanto. Mostre pra mamae quando der. Te amo.

Social Skills

      Ever since I got into college, more specifically, since I began taking education courses, the words of the hour for quite a while in my head were "social skill". If you don't have social skills, you're screwed. I often think of my brother-in-law who is said not to have them. He is a very honest, and blunt person. Because of such attributes, he lacks social skills.
      It seems to me, having social skills means being able to lie and cheat without being noticed. It is like when someone is fat, and they ask you if they look fat, and you tell them: of course not! You look great! If you are able to lie successfully, then you have social skills. Another instance of having social skills is pretending to like people. You got to act like you like people you dislike, so everyone can get along under a shroud of hypocrisy and falsehood. Proverbs say that it is better to receive the truth from a friend, than to be constantly bathed in an enemies abundance of lies, flattery and deceit.
       Quite honestly, I have a hard time being good at social skills. Lying doesn't come to me easily because of what I read in the Bible. The father of lies is the devil, and those who are in Christ are a new creation. How can we be a new creation and continue to lie and cheat? I just don't understand. Can someone help me to understand? I also don't see how someone can believe one part of the Bible but not the whole. Gotta go now.

Random Thoughts and Ramblings

Whew! I just got done folding the laundry, and tidying up our bedroom. I am very tired.
I just looked to see how many page views I had today, and, lo, I had 1 pageview! Woo whooo!! I have a faithful follower from Brazil. Or maybe, it was I who viewed my own page this afternoon. In Homer Simpson's words (of frustration and failure) "duhhhhhh!". Hahahah It helps to laugh at oneself.
Anyway, I was caught thinking about how I would react if I found out that my dad died. I honestly believe that I would have to get a grip of myself and not allow myself to beat myself up for not being in touch with him. I've done all humanely possible to keep a relationship with him. But, he succeeded in pushing me away to show off to yet another one of his whores. I am almost 30. I really don't need to put up with no tramp.

Baba seems to be getting better, though his chest still sounds bad. He's been in good spirits, and that makes me hopeful, content, happy. I love my son and my husband. Being around them lifts my soul up. I love having breakfast with Daddy and Zaao. Speaking of Zaao, I still miss Mamae, and my brother badly. It is hard to talk to them on the phone. I don't want to tire them out. I am so glad my sister enjoys talking to me. That helps me not to feel bad about being so far away from her. I love that girl.

Well, what else is new? Baba's birthday party is coming up. His Nana will have it at her house. Her house is a lovely place, specially her gardens. I do miss her. I am looking forward to seeing her soon. But first Johnny and I need to get all better. We musn't infect Nana.

I guess this is it for tonight. No pictures, no videos. I am very tired.
Oh! I can't wait to start exercising again. I am working on my push-ups. I had been doing modified ones for the past year. But I am working myself up to do them the regular way. One thing I do seek: to be disciplined spiritually, mentally, and physically.

Thank You Note To Delta

Here is a Thank You note I wrote last night to Delta:

 Dear Delta,
     It is 1:30 AM of May, 14, 2011, and only now have I found time to write to recognize the outstanding experience I had on the flight 104 departing from Guarulhos, Sao Paulo, Brazil to Atlanta, USA. That is because I have my hands full caring for a 12 month old baby who has been sick since we left Brazil on May 2. It is not easy being a mom, and taking care of a baby who is battling a cold is even more challenging. If you had told me this 2 years ago, I would have never known the extent and weight of those statements because I had never had a baby then. Most people are not able to empathize with people caring for others, specially little children, in most places.
       May 2, 2011 was going to be a hard day for me because I was flying home by myself, with my only son. He had just met his grandmother for the first time, and celebrated his first birthday with her. We had had a beautiful time at grandma's. She treated us great. She never complained and always did everything to help us to feel safe and at home. In every other place we had visited, we always felt that we were bothering people with our needs, and that we were being burdens to others. But at grandma's, we were wanted and we were dear. That is how I felt on our way back from Brazil to Atlanta. I really needed to write this email to let it be known what a spetacular crew you had on that plane on that day. It was going to be a long, long night. Some United flight had been cancelled the night before, so the airport of Guarulhos was packed, and I wasn't aware that those folks were going to be put on our plane to go home too. My heart became apprenhensive when I heard that that flight was full. I was hoping noone would sit next to us, because it would be hard for whoever was sitting next to us since my baby is very long, and when he slept, I would have to ask to let them to let my baby rest his legs on theirs.
        Yes, the night was gearing up to be long. Somebody had a seizure, and I thought we might be late boarding the plane. But that had been a false alarm. Before boarding the plane, I asked the Delta attendants to change my seats, but to no avail, because the lady told me it was a full flight. So, I made the best of the situation, and sat quietly in one of those aisle seats. I was blesssed to seat next to some precious travelers. I didn't know God's hand was at work through THE MOST WONDERFUL FLIGHT ATTENDANTS I have ever had the pleasure of meeting! Immediately upon seeing me, SUSIE, who seemed to be the head of flight attendants, enlisted her peers to try to find a way for me to sit somewhere more comfortable with the baby. First, she tried to move the person next to me to another place. But, unfortunately, the arm rest was the kind that could not be raised. Susie and MARIO (one of the angels of the night) did not rest until they moved me to a window seat, where noone would be next to us. WOW! They didn't have to do that. They could have gone about their jobs -- and they had plenty to do with a full flight-- but Susie and all of those working with her would not rest, until they had done THEIR ABSOLUTE BEST to help me out.
         Every flight attendant was so kind to me and my baby. Everybody treated us with so much respect and dignity. I mentioned my mother and the way she treated me because that is how I felt aboard flight 104. I felt like I was family. I felt loved and cared for. My word fail to express my gratitude to Susie and Mario, and the other flight attendants who gave us superb customer service on that long flight. Everybody was great. I felt like I was someone important even though I was flying economy. It was evident that every flight attendant had great care and respect for me. I wish I could mention everyone's name here. But I only managed to ask and remember the names of the SWEETEST ANGELS who cared for us for the remainder of the night. Susie, who was the head of flight attendants, and Mario. Mario even came up to our seat, and genuinely said something sweet about the baby, and stroked his little hair. Susie always had that special care, and special attention toward us. She was always alert to any sign of help that I might have needed.
        When dinner was served, I didn't have much of an appetite despite not having eaten for most of that day. That is because it is a piece of work trying to eat with an active little baby. I think Susie took notice of that. When breakfast was served, I was under the blanket with the baby because I wanted him to sleep. But, Susie's kindness and compassion left yet another impression on me. She had left me a sandwich and a piece of fruit on the vacant seat next to us. I ate that food when I was starving after arriving home. I can still remember the taste of it, but the warmth in my heart that I get from remembering the love and care that flight attendant had for me is even more memorable.
        I am so impressed. Impressed is an understament. Please, please, please make sure these people are recognized. Email me, and let me know if you passed my email of gratitude to those flight attendants and their supervisors. Use them as models for all flight attendants at Delta. On our way to Brazil, we had a bad experience with a Brazilian flight attendant which left me wondering about Delta's reputation. But on our way back home, I felt that angels were tending to us. I thank the Lord Jesus Christ for such wonderful people. I will never forget them. THANK YOU SUSIE, MARIO, and EVERY FLIGHT ATTENDANT who really made me feel like family.Actually, not even any family would have treated us that way. Only my mother had the love, patience and understanding to treat us that well. That is how DELTA treated us on May 2, 2011. Delta treated us with love, respect, kindness, gentleness. THANK YOU for having such wonderful people caring for your customers. PLEASE, LET ME KNOW WHEN THEY RECEIVE MY LETTER OF THANKS.
       WITH ETERNAL GRATITUDE,

Dancing Nancies

This morning, I had my Pandora on the Dave Matthews station. This song performed by DMB with Tim Reynolds live struck a cord with me. Man, I used to dream I would be a medical doctor when I was a child. And, not too long ago, I wanted to be a Marine officer. I aimed to be all that the world praises and deems worthy. But time after time, I am brought to lowly positions in life. I got a degree in Early Childhood Education, though I could have chosen any degree I wanted. Instead of becoming an officer, in charge of many, I am under my husband's charge. Honestly, when things don't go the way I plan I get quite frustrated in a very literal manner. And, then, there is the feeling that I am not good enough. But Dancing Nancies, in the way it was performed in this video you see, reminds me that no matter what, I am who I am. That suffices. I could not have been anyone else. And, I am forced to believe, by the turns my life has taken, that we have no choice but to tread the path that was laid ahead of us. Americans believe that they are the masters of their destiny. I have tried to live by that belief, and was brought low to my knees to do what God has had me do, just like Jonah. He downright refused to preach repentance to Nineveh. But, this being we call God had different plans for him. But why Jonah? It could have been anyone else. I think it is because Jonah was Jonah, and, although God can replace anyone, Jonah was irreplaceable because he was who he was.

 I am who I am.

First Posting On Mother's Day of 2011



Mother's Day card my baby Zaao gave me.


What a great day to write! It is Mother's Day in the US and in Brazil! I wish I could give my momma a big hug, massage her whole body, give her the most fragrant perfume, and kiss her feet! I just wish I could show her how much I love her. Mamae. That is how I call her. That is what my son calls me. Although he is learning English and Portuguese at the same time, I want him to call me Mamae. No other word will express our life history, our aches and pains, our connection and bond. Let me post a picture of Mamae here, too.

Mamae holding Zaao.

 I





My husband gave me this one.

 And here is a picture of the card my lover gave me. I want to treasure all of these things: my mother, my husband, my son, what they give me who they are. I want to be like my mother. She rises before the sun to prepare food for her family. She is busy all day cleaning, washing, running errands. She does it all to make sure her family is taken care of. And, sometimes, often times, I should say, she lets go of herself, and forgets to care for her own body. How I love my mamae. I hope to speak to her lovingly, to admonish her kindly, to remind her to love herself at least 1/10 of how much she loves others. My mother is my model of life. I love you, Mamae. Zaao loves you so much, too.

Mother's Day 2011

 My son, Zaao, gave me this card this fine Mother's Day. I will treasure this card forever. It brings to mind what a role moms play in families. As Solomon wrote, a wise woman will edify her home, and a crazy one will bring it down. Lord, let me be wise. Guide my steps. Do not let me trust in my own understanding.

The beautiful woman on the right is my wondrous Mamae. How I miss her. My son and I visited her in Brazil during the month of April. She is an example of wife, mother, friend, and just about all good things the Almighty created. For the first time, I was able to realize that my mother is the woman Solomon talks about in Proverbs 31. She does rise earlier than the sun to cook, clean, wash, take my brother to the doctor! She is 58, but she has more energy than I do as a 26 year-old woman. Where she lives, if you don't have a car, you gotta ride 2 or 3 buses to get to the place you're going to. So, she does that often. And, man, how tiring is that! After she has run her errands downtown (paid bills, bought groceries, checked out Bazar do Lar dos Velhos -- like GoodWill in the US), she comes home, cooks, washes, cleans, tends her grove. Yes! My mom has so many fruit trees in her front and backyard! Check it out:



Papaya tree loaded with fruit.


Wow! I tell my mom her gardens or groves are reflection of her spirit full of life giving energy. That is my mother, my precious treasure, and my heart. My mother is my heart. Thank you for beating, Mamae. We love you!

Banana trees, lemons trees, healing trees! She has them all!





She even has pepper trees!